She may very well be gearing up for a 2016 Presidential run, but in order to do that, Hillary Clinton needs to have a functioning exploratory office up and running around the beginning of next year. Hell, CSPAN has already aired the first episode of 2016: Road to the White House. If you’re not ramping up the graphic design for the stationery, you’re behind.

There’s good news and bad news then for Hillary. As it turns out, the “Team of Rivals” she put together to handle her ultimately disastrous 2008 campaign will not sign on for another go at the prize, and she’s going to have to assemble a whole new team from scratch. Good news is, they were the ones that lost, so you know, could be worse. Bad news is? Pretty much no one else wants their jobs.

Howard Wolfson, the 2008 communications director for Hillary Rodham Clinton, has said he will not return for a 2016 presidential campaign. Neither, for that matter, will Neera Tanden, the campaign’s policy director. Ditto for Mark Penn, the chief strategist, and Patti Solis Doyle, the embattled campaign manager.

As core members of a dysfunctional “Team of Rivals,” these top advisers were seared, scattered and, to different degrees, forged by the 2008 experience. Haunted by the failures in management and messaging, they have worked hard to get over their shattered White House dreams and rejection by a Democratic base enamored with Barack Obama. They express their requisite hope that Clinton will run and win, but also their lack of interest in jumping back in.

Apparently, these three have spent the last eight years trying to forget that Hillary 2008 ever even happened, and, unfortunately, since Hillary has really never undertaken a massive national campaign – other than the one she lost in 2008 – that’s really the only experience she has. Well, that, and any Democratic guilt at picking a relative unknown and ultimately paying the price as he was more third and fourth Bush terms than third and fourth Clinton terms. That is, if Democrats are willing to cap off the Barack Obama Presidency by admitting they should have gone with the devil they knew.

And the Department of Justice was definitely interested in his activities.

Very interested. Like, possibly going to charge him pursuant to an Espionage Act interesting. Check the docs.

In addition to using their access to information concerning Rosen’s security badge, tracking him as he moved around DC, the DOJ appears to have traced his phone calls, and according to this search warrant, was somehow convinced that, as a reporter, he was part of a conspiracy to reveal classified information, even though the classified information used to create the resulting story seems a little less than…classified.

BUT FOX NEWS. Or, something.

Former Obama flack Robert Gibbs says Maureen Dowd has been writing the same thing over and over for “the last eight years.”

Just eight?

She’s no Doonesbury (motto: Unchanged by events since 1968!) but it’s been a lot longer than eight years since Dowd had an original idea. Like her NYT colleague Tom Friedman (motto: China kicks ASS and I wish I lived there!) she’s been running on fumes since long before September 11.

If you’re going to spend a significant amount of time decrying the horrors of a news network that entertains partisan masses with endless stories about the failures of an entire administration, the least you could do on the back end is refrain from giving them cause to cover themselves as victims, right? I mean, this should be Presidential Public Relations 101. This advice should be written in the primer they give you when you walk in the door and beaten into your thick skull the very first day you spend in training between understanding which button you push to get breakfast and which one fires a nuclear weapon at  Antarctica, and how to actively ignore a Cabinet official’s terrible haircut.

But leave it to the Obama Administration, which, as of yesterday, is not even sure it runs actual things, to commit this one, crucial faux pas. I mean, if you’re going to put a tail on a reporter who you think might be exposing a leak in the State Department, and treat his legitimate reporting as evidence of criminal behavior, you could at least pick a reporter from an organization that wasn’t going to spend the next 48 hours hammering you over it, right?

Right?

When the Justice Department began investigating possible leaks of classified information about North Korea in 2009, investigators did more than obtain telephone records of a working journalist suspected of receiving the secret material.

They used security badge access records to track the reporter’s comings and goings from the State Department, according to a newly obtained court affidavit. They traced the timing of his calls with a State Department security adviser suspected of sharing the classified report. They obtained a search warrant for the reporter’s personal e-mails.

The case of Stephen Jin-Woo Kim, the government adviser, and James Rosen, the chief Washington correspondent for Fox News, bears striking similarities to a sweeping leaks investigation disclosed last week in which federal investigators obtained records over two months of more than 20 telephone lines assigned to the Associated Press….

Court documents in the Kim case reveal how deeply investigators explored the private communications of a working journalist — and raise the question of how often journalists have been investigated as closely as Rosen was in 2010. The case also raises new concerns among critics of government secrecy about the possible stifling effect of these investigations on a critical element of press freedom: the exchange of information between reporters and their sources.

Essentially, what the Department of Justice – and by extension, the Obama Administration – did in this case was accuse a reporter looking for a story of criminal behavior, and assume his reporting, which he considered to be pretty routine, was a criminal act worthy of an investigation using the full extent of power at the DOJ’s disposal. And worse, it demonstrates that, as far back as 2009, the DOJ thought it had the power to circumvent a reporter’s Constitutional rights, so long as they assumed the reporter to be in on an alleged conspiracy to disseminate state secrets, a power they seem to have consistently expanded on as time wore on, from stalking a single reporter and obtaining his email records with a search warrant (which they likely had to present to a judge, even if just a judge who rubber stamped their efforts), to wiretapping an entire bank of phones in a major global news agency for weeks.

Luckily, reporters who came for the AP investigation are staying for the full circus.

Glenn Greenwald further elaborates:

New revelations emerged yesterday in the Washington Post that are perhaps the most extreme yet when it comes to the DOJ’s attacks on press freedoms. It involves the prosecution of State Department adviser Stephen Kim, a naturalized citizen from South Korea who was indicted in 2009 for allegedly telling Fox News’ chief Washington correspondent, James Rosen, that US intelligence believed North Korea would respond to additional UN sanctions with more nuclear tests – something Rosen then reported. Kim did not obtain unauthorized access to classified information, nor steal documents, nor sell secrets, nor pass them to an enemy of the US. Instead, the DOJ alleges that he merely communicated this innocuous information to a journalist – something done every day in Washington – and, for that, this arms expert and long-time government employee faces more than a decade in prison for “espionage”.

As it turns out, Kim, whose trial may not even take place until 2014, is not the only such victim of the DOJ’s Assault on Leakers. According to Greenwald, the Administration has prosecuted more perceived leakers under the 1917 Espionage Act than all other Presidential administrations combined. So either a lot of people are just spilling all kinds of government secrets over vodka tonics to global news agencies, or someone’s just a teensy bit paranoid.

Lots of people are all like, “well, what do you expect when George Bush set the precedent?” And that’s true. Obama has done nothing if not expand on the bizarre policies of his forefathers. But you could also say, “what do you expect when you hire Eric Holder and the dudes who know him best?” After all, homeslice spent his time at the RIAA threatening grandmothers with million dollar lawsuits for letting their grandkids download Anne Murray discs off Limewire.  

Not yet. I’m just saying. It’s possible. Although the Duchess of Cambridge had an accidental “Marilyn” moment yesterday, so that’s a thing.  And that Star Trek movie lovingly re-created a bunch of scenes from Wrath of Khan, so it’s totally possible you’re angry about that. But whatever. Let’s run down the morning’s news.

1. A New Jersey company has created the world’s first “sex robot.” Apparently, they tried to create robots to do other things, but this was the only area where bureaucracy wasn’t standing in their way.

2. The Obama Administration probably put a tail on Fox News reporter James Rosen because when someone said he had a mole, they took it as seriously as an Austin Powers sketch.

3. It’s also possible that the Department of Justice spent way too much time following a reporter covering  North Korea in 2009. Because why worry about the big things like the economy when you can chase around guys talking to the State Department.

4. CNN isn’t so much worried about the IRS as they are worried about what kind of crazy thing they can pretend Rand Paul said about it.

5. Maureen Dowd has been writing the same column for eight years and her cover has just been blown.

It’s Monday, America. Let’s roll.

Or, just do it.

The Atlantic has discovered that putting the word “sex” in a blog post drives traffic. So have I. So I’ll comment on the Atlantic’s post commenting on sex. See how smoothly that works?

The author quotes Dr. Theodore Dalrymple at length:

“In my hospital, for example, adolescent and young adult visitors to their hospitalized boyfriends or girlfriends not infrequently climb into bed and indulge in sexual foreplay with them, in full view of the staff and of old people occupying the beds opposite. This gross disinhibition would once have been taken as a sign of madness but is now accepted as perfectly normal: indeed, objection to such behavior would now appear objectionable and ridiculous. No one seems to have noticed, however, that a loss of a sense of shame means a loss of privacy; a loss of privacy means a loss of intimacy; and a loss of intimacy means a loss of depth.”

It’s interesting that Dr. Dalrymple cites young lovers happily giving up their privacy to fool around. It was, after all, the “right to privacy” in sexual matters on which the Supreme Court hung its Roe v. Wade decision. Fascinating that he’d argue they we’re willingly giving away that very power (right) every day.

“If we want sex to be sexy again, perhaps we should speak less about it,” The Atlantic concludes.

Sounds good; you first.

Initially, when responding to the scandals and threatening-to-be-scandals of this week, the Obama Administration started off from the premise that as busy intellectuals with a country to run and things to do and golf to play, they are simply unable, as it were, to know every detail of every activity of every other high-ranking executive department office. That’s fair, I guess, at least in some contexts, except that the Administration, as of yesterday, seemed to be paying attention to pretty much nothing except their own belly button lint, and even that wasn’t routinely examined.

America, it seems, probably thanks to the Daily Show, isn’t buying it. I mean, the President has to do something, right? Like, anything? Meet with people, maybe? Get a briefing or two? Check his email? So the Administration is now changing tack. Instead of seemingly being a bumbling collection of honorary title-holders with a complete lack of attention to detail, they now consider themselves a bumbling collection of honorary title-holders with a complete lack of attention to detail and a serious deficit of intelligence.

That’s right, America. The Obama Administration would like you to know that this all happened because they are just a bunch of idiots.

No, seriously.

The officials spoke to CBS News in a series of interviews and communications under the condition of anonymity so that they could be more frank in their assessments. They do not all agree on the list of mistakes and it’s important to note that they universally claim that any errors or missteps did not cost lives and reflect “incompetence rather than malice or cover up.” Nonetheless, in the eight months since the attacks, this is the most sweeping and detailed discussion by key players of what might have been done differently.

“We’re portrayed by Republicans as either being lying or idiots,” said one Obama administration official who was part of the Benghazi response. “It’s actually closer to us being idiots.“

Well, at least they weren’t lying. I think. Maybe. You people elected them. Not me.

The best part of this? The administration has a habit of floating talking points early through “unnamed senior officials” to see how the play in the media before adopting them officially. This could, quite easily, become the de facto administration excuse for basically everything that’s come to light over the last two weeks, including, bizarrely, the Benghazi situation, which still could have easily been diffused by calling other people, like Hillary Clinton, incompetent idiots. So at least they’re able to substantiate their point, I guess.

[via MKH at Hot Air]

No one my age actually remembers Colonel Klink, which makes all the Republican memes staring him and his “I know nothink! nothink!” tagline completely irrelevant to most target voters’ lives, but the sentiment makes sense. No one knows f***ing anything anymore. Everyone’s just sitting in their DC offices mystified that planes can fly and that the ocean is salty. They’re like a city full of Snooki, tasked with explaining the mysteries of the universe.

The latest person we pay to fail at his job is outgoing IRS chief Steven Miller who has never heard of this illegal IRS targeting of which you speak, even though his agency has now not only admitted it but apologized for it and he’s probably going to have a tough time getting that job with an investment bank that he was promised.

Just in case it did happen, though he’s not saying it did because that would totally cray, targeting groups based on what appears to be a political bias definitely wasn’t the fault of political bias, and the agency has totally learned it’s lesson and next time they want to punish political enemies or uncover a non-existent web of dark, dastardly Koch Brothers influence through small-town Tea Party 501(c)(4) requests, they’ll just take a Valium and lay down until the panic attack passes.

“I don’t believe politics motivated the people engaged in the Treasury inspector general’s report. I believe its conclusions are consistent with what I think what happened here — foolish mistakes were made by people trying to be more efficient in their workload selection.”

Miller underscored that the mistake was not “an act of partisanship” and insisted that the agency has learned its lesson.

The good news is, the IRS is completely at ease with implementing any changes necessary to correct this gaping oversight and apparently massive abuse of power. After all, as with nearly every Federal Agency, the cause and solution to the problem is, obviously, budgetary. As in, they wouldn’t be such bumbling idiots if only they were allowed to have more of your money.

No. Seriously.

Hahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa. *gasp* Hahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

No, really.

Barack Obama is having a terrible week. I mean, a terrible week. Like, when it rains, it pours. And now there’s news that the witness protection program basically lost two terrorists who we were both keeping safe from ourselves and pretty much everyone else on Earth. And then there’s that thing about losing Chris Matthews over Benghazi. And that part about possibly having to replace Eric Holder with Deval Patrick. And then they ended The Office.

Is there any good news for our leader in all this doom and gloom? Possibly. At least 150 “prominent” donors have signed a letter supporting his position on the Keystone Pipeline, which is to defy the labor unions and, worse, the Canadians and prohibit the construction of an oil pipeline across  skilled-labor job-starved middle America. The problem is, unfortunately, that most of these 150 prominent donors are only prominent in swiftly cancelled sitcoms and their own private banking accounts.

In a letter seen by the Guardian, 150 high-profile figures, who between them raised millions for Obama’s two election campaigns, urged the president to use the next four years to avoid the most catastrophic consequences of climate change. ”Yours is the last presidency in which it is possible for America to choose a responsible path forward for itself, before climate disruption becomes unmanageably dangerous,” the letter said.

The letter was endorsed by some of Obama’s most prominent supporters such as Vinod Khosla, one of the founders of Sun Microsystems; Rob McKay, the heir to the Taco Bell fortune and chairman of the Democracy Alliance; Blythe Danner, the actor and mother of Gwyneth Paltrow and Susie Tompkins Buell, co-founder of the Esprit clothing line.

If you weren’t convinced before that “opposing Climate Change” (hard to do in the first place, since you’re opposing nature altered most specifically by industrialized Third World nations who have no concern for emissions and to whom the civilized world farms out their dirty production so as to avoid the “solutions” advocated by white people in major coastal cities in the First World), was a hobby rich people have to make themselves feel better between trips to Betty Ford, you can rest easy on that assessment now.

Also, for real, the Esprit clothing line? Is that still a thing? I mean, other than for hipsters that are trying to relieve the first run of Beverly Hills 90210? And consider me disappointed by the heir to the Taco Bell fortune. For a man whose wealth is made on the backs of people looking for late night, not-entirely-real-food likely made from petroleum byproducts, he’s significantly out of touch with his target market.

At any rate, the Administration is going to have to take what they have here in this list of 150 people who haven’t stepped foot in the real world since that time their undocumented limo driver was unexpectedly detained and they had to take themselves to country club, because Obama’s campaign stalwart super-group, Organizing for Action, which is probably well-funded by the unions who want the jobs Keystone represents, is staying out of this fight.

President Obama’s grassroots operation has a message for environmentalists upset with their refusal to get involved with Keystone XL pipeline: Go someplace else.

“The people who want to work on that issue, they should go work with 350.org and the organizations that are doing great work [on Keystone],” a senior official with Organizing for America told BuzzFeed.

“We’ve been explicit about that,” the official added. “You can’t go into an organization and say, ‘Well, I want to work on something else,’ when the organization says, ‘No, we’re not set up to do that.’”

Apparently, OFA takes its orders directly from the President, and until the President speaks definitely, OFA, which makes climate change one of it’s core issues, can’t act. Which is a little weird if you consider it’s supposed to be “unaffiliated” with the White House.

But hey, he’s still got Blythe Danner.