Mitt Romney is totally just one of the regular Americans. Like you.

Sure, it was almost ten years ago, but it’s really essential in these dark days of Herman Cain sexual assault allegations, Michael Jackson trials, Kardashian divorces and Lindsay Lohan naked Playboy spreads, that we be reminded regularly of Mitt Romney’s awkward attempts to fit in with Earthlings. Especially when we get to thinking that he might have to run a national campaign again.

I suppose we should be grateful that he has adopted our humanoid ways. I suppose we should be comforted that, despite his plastic hair and reportedly magic underpants, he remains, at least marginally, committed to one day defying his metaphysical limitations and truly achieving human personhood.

Did you see that? He was wearing jeans! And hammering things while wearing safety vest! And taking out the trash! And high-fiving working Americans! And serving lunch! And putting boxes in a car! And reading a book to an illiterate man with a mustache!

I’m sold.

P.S. I am told by “inside sources” that Mitt Romney, while he “wears jeans” can only commit to wearing a particular type of  jeans: Tommy Bahama. Unlike the plebeian jeans most people wear, these cost $100, are rated by pineapples, and, I assume are tailored to fit a robot by small unicorns. You are the human he aspires to be. They are the jeans you aspire to own.

  1. Joseph K.

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