Obama says American schookids are totes dumber than Australians

Well, at least he didn’t bow to anyone this time.

There’s an unwritten rule in politics that politicians must not criticize the president when they are overseas. How about adding America’s school kids to the list of untouchables?

Speaking at a high school in Australia, President Obama told a group of Aussie students that their counterparts in his country had “fallen behind” when it comes to math and science, saying he wants to reform the public school system.

Obama also asserted that poor children don’t get “support they need when they’re very young’’ and are “already behind’’’ when they enter grammar school, according to a press pool report.

I guess it’s now clear why he sends his kids to $30K per year DC private schools: by the time American children hit middle school, they’re already dumber than the rest of the world. In case you were looking to invade us, then, obviously you should wait until our current crop of idiots ascends into the ranks of our military. In 20 years, you could be running our McDonalds. And yes, that’s a euphemism for totally controlling our financial system while we stupid Americans serve your fast food, carefully tailored to meet your unique dietary needs. Because if there’s one subject American children consistently excel at, it’s diversity. It’s all schools teach now.

Obama recently claimed that we were also, as Americans, “going soft,” so this must be the genesis of his frustration: our dumb little schoolkids whose public school education makes them incapable of competing on a world stage. Perhaps if we beat our children and wore more leather, they could overcome this harsh burden inflicted on them by the government.

Paging Ron Swanson…

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