Apparently, our jobless rate is so darned low because a bunch of people gave up on ever finding a job again. So consider us only halfway to Mad Max at Thunderdome and conducing cage fights to determine which of the remaining humans gets the privilege of eating tuna fish out of a can. Given the timeline, you should start praying for the zombie apocalypse now.
Unless you’re under the age of 35. In that case, your overall unemployment hovers at around 20%, and it’s gotten so bleak that when the Obama Administration reluctantly attempts to throw your busted fixie a rope in order to secure your oh-so-fickle vote, they’ll throw you work that’s unpaid. Because you’re obviously so hard up, you’ll take anything, including an all-expenses-on-you service position.
President Obama on Thursday will unveil a summer-jobs initiative that the White House says is already on track to create 180,000 “work opportunities” in the private sector in 2012.
That is the number of opportunities, which includes mentoring and unpaid internships, that companies have told the administration they are willing to create. Some 70,000 jobs are paid, the White House says.
The initiative was hatched after Congress failed to approve a $1.5 billion summer-jobs fund that President Obama had been seeking as part of the American Jobs Act.
“Today’s announcement is the latest in a series of executive actions the Obama administration is taking to strengthen the economy and move the country forward because we can’t wait for Congress to act,” a White House statement reads.
The good news is that, through working for the government for free, you, a Millennial, will acquire the kind of valuable work ethic that will serve you as you climb the corporate ladder, which given the administration’s unmatched commitment to handing things out to people for free as though they have no mind of their own, seems somewhat counter-intuitive. But hey, this President thinks Congress is “out of work” when they’re “working from home,” so it’s not entirely unexpected.
More realistically, these “unpaid opportunities” will keep you occupied and away from hallucinogenic drugs for a few hours a day – a few hours you’ll look back on fondly when you earn your government-funded women’s studies’ degree from a public university, or when you’re camped out on the lawn of a Bank of America demanding that they forgive loans you didn’t know you’d have to pay back.
Wouldn’t this all be easier if we just encouraged small businesses to run themselves?