ITS THE STATE OF THE UNION OMGWTFBBQ!!!1!!one!!!

Did I tell you we’d be drinking? Because we will be. Here is our official NakedDC drinking rubric:

1 shot for “fairness,” because its a goal we should all have, especially if we can officially refer to ourselves anachronistically as “secretaries” in order to hammer home our paycheck inequality.

1 shot for “equality” because Milton Friedman once said that those who put equality before freedom will get neither, while those who put freedom before equality will get both. Just assume, based on that, that we’re all losing here.

1 shot for “America” because this is America, for f***’s sake.

2 shots for “Let Me Be Clear” in the hopes that this year, the horrible person who is standing in his way finally allows Obama to be clear.

And just assume we’ll all be dead by 10pm! Central time. This is Chicago, people. And I weigh 95 pounds.

P.S. Don’t follow me here, though, because drinking and blogging is dangerous. Follow me on Twitter at @emzanotti.

P.P.S. And we’ll also be doing bonus shots for the following words: “infrastructure,” “Citizens United,” “Warren Buffett” and because it’ll be hilarious if he says it, “masturbation.”

P.P.P.S. That drink is one part grenadine, one part schnapps of any kind and one part blue curacao.