I don’t blog on the weekends, which means when weekends like this happen, I get screwed. Instead of covering Barack Obama’s disastrous decision to open his campaign where roadkill can derail a crowd, I was waiting for two hours at a Mexican restaurant because my craving for enchiladas coincided with basically everyone else’s. Because it was Cinco de Mayo.
At any rate, stuff happened. So here’s a rundown so that we can start fresh with whatever nonsense is currently afoot.
- No one showed up at Barack Obama’s Ohio Victory party. Its always sad when you throw a party and no one shows up. All those uneaten appetizers, wasted liquor. Now, its clear that Obama is as popular with Ohio State as a Styx reunion concert opened by a wolverine. And then, instead of spending the day talking about how awesome they are, the Obama campaign was forced to spend the day arguing that Ohio had an awful lot of traffic for a Saturday, and that no one showed up because they left their cars on I-75 and just started walking toward the light, because they’re old and this was like Woodstock and stuff.
- Speaking of Woodstock, Michael Moore covered Bob Dylan’s classic, “The Times They Are A’ Changin.” Because if there was anything this world was missing it was an acoustic cover of “The Times They Are A Changin” done by a man with a weight problem and a Michigan State hat. With Tom Chapin on harmonica. Don’t worry, though, because there’s a whole Occupy album that we’re gonna review. And why not.
- Anarchists prefer the six month lease with option to buy.
- Saturday Night Live, always looking to improve their content, scrapped a funny sketch in favor of an unfunny one because the funny sketch came too close to what could be termed “criticism of the President.”
- Over the weekend, everyone employed by the Obama Administration decided that they are totally cool with gay marriage. Joe Biden can even kinda sorta seem himself having one if that were how he felt about a dude or something. Which is all well and good except that, (1) the administration is still officially against gay marriage and although they’ve refused opportunities to defend the law as it stands, haven’t exactly done a whole lot to support the cause and (2) no self-respecting gay man would marry Joe Biden until he gets a haircut and a sui that fits.
Anyway, happy Monday, America. You’re gonna need it!