Michelle Obama totally did not read her husband’s book

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So last night on the Daily Show, Michelle Obama decided to take it upon herself to ensure America that Barack is no longer that dude who smoked pot in random areas of Oahu in high school and totally felt entitled to take hits off the joint when it definitely was not his turn.

Instead, he is a focused, respectable man who is definitely nothing like his former self, because, you see, when his dad died, Barack Obama was inspired – at that very moment – to transfer to Columbia and make something of himself. He picked himself up, dusted himself off, shipped them his high school transcripts and packed up everything that wasn’t nailed down.

Because that’s what awesome people do, or something. Because they’re awesome.

The First Lady credited his parents with getting her future husband back on course.

“He had a mother that was saying ‘you’re so gifted, you’re so talented,’ and would slap him on the head (and say) ‘get yourself together,” she said.

But it wasn’t until his father died, she told Stewart, that he truly grew up.

“That was one of those click-in moments,” she said. “And he really buckled down, he transferred schools, went to Columbia and thought about how to use life to the fullest.”

And that’s all well and good. Sometimes terrible things, like a father you never really got to know passing away, can spur people on to great change. Except that in this case, according to Barack Obama, he was already at Columbia when he got the call that his father died. He actually detailed it in his book.

On the first page of Chapter One.