Today’s news is pretty simple: the economy is still going to sh*t, despite our commitment to spend ourselves out of depression like a whorish California housewife on the prowl for a new pair of shoes and her own Bravo dramedy. The whole of America added only 70,000 jobs during the month of May, bringing our effective unemployment rate to 8.2%, so chances are, you’re still unemployed, bitter and stockpiling tin cans of food in your freeway overpass apartment. And if you’re Joe Biden, concerned about your own ability to do math.
The good news is, the Commander in Chief has a bold new vision for America. He would like you to get back some of the money the government took from you at some point so that you can stimulate the economy buy buying more thingamajigs.
No, that’s really the word.
But, take note, America. That better damned well be an American thingamajig and not a European thingamajig. Because, if you haven’t noticed, its those goddam Europeans that are f***ing it up for all of us. Them and their stupid “Freedom Fries” and their not bathing and their sharply declining currency. Because that totally happened in the last six weeks. They just started going south. Or something. Nobody said this would make sense.