Drunk driving Commerce Secretary not drunk driving, still Commerce Secretary

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My immediate reaction to this story was not, Commerce Secretary John Bryson got wasted in a fairly shady part of Los Angeles and started ramming all sorts of cars for fun until he found a vehicle that needed a front-end nose job.

Nope. My first reaction was that someone let Lindsey Lohan take meetings from government officials again, after she drunk dialed the state department requesting to be sent in as an undercover agent to rescue Matt Damon from those French people who are always after him in the movies, and she stole the Commerce Secretary’s vehicle so that she didn’t have to take the bus home from her night job as a stripper in Rosemead.

But I’m not the New York Times, so I’m allowed to wildly speculate on the causes of government-official-related traffic accidents. Or something.

Secretary of Commerce John Bryson was hospitalized Saturday after being involved in two hit-and-run accidents in Southern California, according to a statement fromthe San Gabriel Police Department and the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department.

The Los Angeles Times first reported Monday that Mr. Bryson, who was appointed by President Obama a year ago, was found unconscious in his car after the accidents in Los Angeles County. The Commerce Department later on Monday released a statement saying the secretary had “suffered a seizure.”

Mr. Bryson was apparently in Southern California to speak at the high school graduation last week of the Polytechnic School, a private prep school in Pasadena that his four daughters attended.

The real story here might be, actually, that the US Commerce Secretary not only drives a foreign car (word is its a Lexus), but that he also apparently spent his seizure ramming into a Buick, the fruit of the American automobile industry. It’s a metaphor, people. A metaphor.

Thankfully, he, unlike American industry, is doing just fine, recovering from his seizure in a hospital and, much to the chagrin of the Buick driver, no doubt, unlikely to face actual hit-and-run charges.