Obama pretty sure Mitt Romney wouldn’t hire back government workers he cut

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You’ve got to know by now that Obama’s “Mission Accomplished” moment, wherein he claimed that the private sector was “doing just fine,” wasn’t actually a gaffe, so much as it was a really adorable way of saying “f*** it, I’m done with those a**holes.” It’s too hard, America. And they just won’t listen. So, over. Over like cupcake shops. Over like Jersey Shore. Over like dressy shorts. Over like Crocs on a sunburned Olsen twin’s geriatric French boyfriend.

So instead, the focus has shifted. Where we were once concerned at ensuring everyone got that investment banker job they craved after spending forty thousand on a college education in the finer points of experimental French film of the 1930s, we’ve shifted to ensuring everyone gets a job as a police officer, teacher or firefighter, because – and this is key – not only are those jobs people consider they might die without, those jobs are paid for by the American taxpayer, and they happen to feature nearly compulsory union membership, which means part of their salaries, paid by the taxpayers, eventually flow directly into the coffers of the Democratic party! EVERYONE WINS.

Well, except you, but you were f***ed anyway. And Mitt Romney, who apparently wants small children and kittens to die, uneducated, in house fires caused by rampaging criminal arsonists.

Obviously, there are only two conclusions to be drawn from this video. One, is that Mitt Romney has a plan and that plan is Batman. The other is that Mitt Romney supports creating jobs the old-fashioned way, but letting the people who make them for a living make them. And, he’s under the impression that we totally tried tossing handfuls of hundred-dollar bills, reaped from the Federal coffers at state and local budgets for the purposes of hiring more police officers, firefighters and teachers, and in return, we got the Chevy Volt, traffic cones and an educational system that didn’t so much reform with the cash, as swallow it whole while laughing uncontrollably.

The horror.

The good news is, Mitt Romney isn’t alone in thinking that cutting government jobs might be the way to save-much needed cash for more useful things that economic stimulus, like toilet seats for the Pentagon. Back on May 8, Barack Obama bragged that he, too, had undertaken a slice-and-dice on the government payroll, and wasn’t he just so awesome for it.

Huh. Oh, well.

[Via Weasel Zippers, where we also found the Crocs photo]