Everyone wants to have a movie made about their life, obviously. Even though mine would star Anne Hathaway as someone who spends a great deal of her day on the couch in pajamas watching daytime medical shows, it’s patently clear to me that it would be a box office smash. Or used to lull people to sleep in those weird experiments where they track your brain waves while you dream about crazy things.
At any rate, Barack Obama is no exception to this. Only, there are a couple of problems. One, he already had a movie made about him that no one cared about and two, he’s the President so half the stuff he does is top secret. The first one is just a bump in the road. And as it turns out, perhaps so is the second one. It just so happens that, coincidentally, lots of stuff that no one was really supposed to know about how Barack Obama personally murders every terrorist just to watch them die, got leaked to the New York Times and other fawning media outlets and, coincidentally, that stuff totally ended up in favorable media stories, coincidentally around the time Barack Obama was being targeted for his “I killed Bin Laden, you know” campaign strategy.
Now, all this coincidence is obviously just coincidence. At least according to the White House. And they have vowed to track down the source of these leaks and prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law, possibly even hanging them upside-down from their underwear and letting angry hippies throw rotten fruit at their faces. They are so serious, in fact, that they had Eric Holder assign a special prosecutor to oversee these strange occurrences.
Attorney General Eric Holder said on Friday he had assigned two U.S. attorneys to lead investigations into the possible leaking of state secrets.
“The unauthorized disclosure of classified information can compromise the security of this country and all Americans, and it will not be tolerated,” he said in a statement.
Holder assigned U.S. Attorney for the District of Columbia Ronald C. Machen Jr., a Democratic appointee, and U.S. Attorney for the District of Maryland Rod J. Rosenstein, a holdover GOP appointee, to lead the investigations.
Who only coincidentally happens to also be an Obama donor.
Machen, who lives in Silver Spring, is expected to move to the District while he holds down the job.
Over the years, he has donated $4,350 to Obama’s campaigns. He gave $250 to Obama’s U.S. Senate campaign in 2003, a year before Obama, then an Illinois state senator, emerged on the nation’s political radar, according to campaign finance records.
It sure ain’t much, but it’s probably enough to predict what his findings are going to be. Or something. I guess you never know. It could totally mean that he’s not beholden to the administration that appointed him to his job, or the one he donated to. Why is this such a big f***ing deal, people? I mean, come on. Mitt Romney’s wife own a horse and he put a dog on the roof of a car! OBVIOUSLY.
[via Fire Andrea Mitchell]
[via Liberty News Network]