Tomorrow is Obamacare Decisionmas. Don’t act like you haven’t been waiting for this moment all your life. Or, at least, you’ve been waiting for the endless whining to – please, God, make it stop – from the left to abate, as they determine for themselves that the end of the world as we know it is nigh, and that the Roberts court is single-handedly bringing about the destruction of Democracy and if we don’t do something to stop it, like declare Barack Obama Supreme Overlord and hand him the ability to either pack the court or order the execution of Antonin Scalia, we shall be declared adrift in a sea of Right Wing Treachery, bound to descend ever deeper in to this theocratic, unintelligent mire of backward legal theory.
Or something. I can’t keep up with their nonsense these days. It moves too fast. I can only handle one blubbering lunatic at a time, and they seem to have cornered the market.
At any rate, here’s what I’ve got.
- SCOTUS strikes down individual mandate in a 5-4 decision, but keeps the full law pending it’s actual enforcement, a la Arizona. It’s likely the Attorneys general only have the capacity to sue on the single issue of state-based expenditures.
- John Roberts writes, because that’s what John Roberts does. And he’s a smarty pants, and he hasn’t managed to eek out an opinion since May.
- Scalia concurs, but writes his own lengthy opinion, determining that the whole thing should be trashed on Commerce Clause grounds, despite having the exact opposite opinion in Gonzalez v. California.
- Ginsberg writes the dissent on paper that has been caressed by Breyer’s tears. Sotomayor and Kagan concur.
- Whoever wins tells the other side to suck it.
- Whoever loses decries the event as the end of the democratic system as we know it and calls for either the dissolution of the court (liberal) or the end of activist judges (conservative).
- If this is the makeup, some idiot, somewhere, will write an article about how awesome the female judges on the Supreme Court are, and how horrible the male judges are. Because Glamour’s audience needs political opinions. Because, they are the foundation of successfully bagging men who care about their country.
- Printers in every law office in the country require new toner as the opinion is like, a gazillion pages long.
- By Monday, it’ll be a doorstop.
- I will get no work done because I’ll be drunk by noon.
In addition, I hope, if the mandate goes down, someone on television cries. My guess is Ed Schultz, but I’d be willing to extend that guess to Andrew Sullivan, though that’s more of an outside bet. I also tend to believe that Barack Obama will openly criticize the court because he believes his voting bloc is dumb enough to think the Court gives two sh*ts what he thinks and isn’t already on it’s way to Barbados for a well-deserved vacation, and despite being a “Constitutional Law professor” has little to no concept of how this whole thing actually works, a character flaw he’s demonstrated before. And hopefully no one will burn cars, though I can’t say I expect much from political discourse anymore.
Good luck, America. And godspeed. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.