Americans won’t care at all if it’s a tax. OKAY?

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So, you can read our impressively long rundown of the SCOTUS healthcare ruling and then you can go take some Motrin and a nap. Just sleep until next Tuesday. That’s when the news cycle will go back to normal and we can stop filling our brains with useless information and gossip about celebrity spawn and whether it was, indeed Scientology which ripped Suri Cruise out of the loving arms of her alien father. He was going to inherit worlds when he died, Katie Holmes. So what if you had to spend this life eating your own placentas and staring empty-eyed at posters of Xenu. There were going to be space monkey butlers.

At any rate, Congress is dealing with the fallout themselves. As Obamacare is now officially a tax on the American people for not doing what Congress never does (namely, leave the plus leather chairs they’ve grown into over years of using no more than 10 – 20% of their cognitive and muscular capability), it’s cheerleaders, who insisted time after time that it is not a tax on the American people and went so far as to declare themselves the defenders of the middle class against such massive tax cuts as ACA, are facing a difficult decision: admit defeat on the whole tax thing or send themselves further along the river of denial, spiraling ever outwards from reality.

Fortunately, they’re definitely choosing denial.

Oh, taxes. That’s all just DC code for pretty rainbows and chocolate chip cookies! Of course the word doesn’t actually mean we’re going to take your money. It just means we’re going to graciously accept your generous gift, so don’t worry your pretty little heads about it. It’ll all be just fine. See, I’m calm. Relaxed, even. And I can definitely say it’s not the Botox. It’s just the sense of inner peace I have knowing that I can now officially make all of your medical decisions.

Of course, Nancy Pelosi does have a waiver…