I am proud to congratulate every red-blooded American on reaching the 236th year of our glorious republic! I hope we have 236 more years of liberty and prosperity ahead of us and then 236 more!
However, if you’re a self-loathing, cynical prick like Chris Rock, Aaron Sorkin, or Don Cheadle, I hope the rest of America joins me in telling y’all to kiss my so very American ass. Remember that the only reason you guys can post such tasteless “thoughts” on Twitter or Facebook is because of the freedoms this nation stands for. Go try that business in Iran or North Korea and we’ll see just how fast you strike up a round of God Bless America.
So Mr. Sorkin, Mr. Rock, and Mr. Cheadle, I am off to eat steak, listen to country music, and salute the flag all while wearing cowboy boots. I hope that pisses you off because I couldn’t think of anything more American than that!