It’s a slow news day. How do you know that? People care that Barack Obama saw Batman. And that Levi Johnston wants to take full custody of his son with Bristol Palin after seeing him run wild and use the f-word on television, as though Levi Johnston, who once posed nude for Playgirl, which isn’t even a nude magazine for girls, can consider himself the kind of virtuous paragon needed to bring a balancing force to that child’s life.
And, in what is sure to be the greatest advent in modern journalism, the small, regular group of press assigned to watch Mitt Romney’s every move lest he expose an error in programming, has been assigned to produce a pool report. And that pool report has literally blown the lid off of Mitt Romney’s everyday life.
For example, today, Mitt Romney went to a hardware store. And a grocery store. And OMG.
Gov. Romney left Bradley’s Hardware at 8:54 a.m. with a beige bucket of goods. Asked what he bought, Romney told your pooler, “Hardware stuff.” Then, he said, “Going to the grocery store now,” and climbed into his Suburban.
At 8:57 a.m., Romney arrived at Hunters Shop ‘n Save, a nearby grocery store. Before entering the store, he stopped to get two ears of “native sweet corn” from an outside display. They were on sale for two for $1.00.
When your pool asked if he was cooking tonight, Romney said, “Absolutely.” At that, Romney grabbed a shopping cart and went inside the store. Your pool remained outside in the parking lot.
At 9:09 a.m., Romney exited the store with a shopping cart full of groceries. He loaded up the trunk of the Suburban himself, without help of agents. He had 12-packs of Caffeine Free Diet Coke and Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi, as well as a 24-pack of Poland Spring bottled water. He also had two plastic bags of groceries. Your pooler spotted Greek yogurt.
Greek yogurt! GREEK YOGURT. Obviously this is some sort of economic message. Or he’s got a stomach problem. Either way. Also, if he can do his hardware, grocery and Rite Aid shopping this quickly, either he really is a robot or the pool reporter needs to update their times. Even on two Red Bulls, which he’s not allowed to have, it would take a normal human being at least twice that to navigate a Shop & Save in the weeks leading up to a holiday.