Oh, Sarah Palin

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According to recent reports, strip clubs in Tampa are preparing for the RNC in ways they’ve never prepared for anything before. As it turns out, Republicans are heavy strip club patrons, outspending squeamish Democrats by a whopping 5-to-1 margin, though falling inexplicably short of Promise Keepers conference attendees (not a joke). One strip club is even going out of it’s way to hire “specialty” strippers specific to the taste of GOP convention-goers, including one notorious dead ringer for a certain former Alaska Governor-slash-Vice Presidential candidate.

Now, let’s be clear. The stripper is a dead ringer. They’ve already found her. She’s famous. The job opening has been filled. So the real Sarah Palin can please stop dressing like she’s applying for the job.

I’m not sure which thought bothers me more: that she chose to wear this outfit all by her lonesome, or that someone picked the outfit for her and she willingly consented to wearing it. This is not okay. This is not even close to okay. This is not even a trailer in the wilderness on the outskirts of the county of okay. This is somewhere between falling into the laundry pile in your fifteen-year-old daughter’s bedroom and the public speaking component of a VH1 reality show about alcoholic motorcycle cougars with social anxiety disorder.

Any one of these individual pieces would be fine. Alone. The tee shirt would be great under a little jacket. The pants are fine for a casual dinner out with the family or a beach picnic. The bracelet would look great on an overgrown Toddlers & Tiaras contestant. I’m sure I saw one aged rocker at Lollapalooza sporting the belt. And the shoes would look great in a Rihanna video where she frolics around a field of wildflowers in a PVC unitard. But together, honey, this is just called trying too hard.

I may not be your biggest fan, Sarah, but I’ll volunteer to organize your closet if you ask. We’ll all benefit. Except maybe the Forever 21 retail location where this was purchased.