Paul Ryan goes solo, gets heckled by Santa

If there’s anything I noticed over the weekend, as a result of Paul Ryan’s Veep nomination – other than a sudden interest in this blog for it’s partially-shirtless pictures and fawning love for the Randian Congressman from Wisconsin, and possibly the new respect for cheese everyone has suddenly found – it’s that a certain segment of the population – let’s call them the “looney left” (as opposed to the “looney right,” because they exist) – have seemed inordinately fired up. And not in the “we’re gonna win this!” sort of way, but rather in the “unhinged homeless circus clown on bath salts gonna eat your face on a highway ramp” sort of way.

Today, Paul Ryan had his first solo appearance on the campaign trail, relegated to the Fried Food and Corn Dog Hell we call the Iowa State Fair, where citizens of Middle America are corralled to listen to stump speeches by politicians with their shirtsleeves rolled up, and are occasionally forced to pretend to consider people like Michelle Bachmann viable options for controlling our nuclear weapons. Instead of meeting with folksy folk and dripping Twinkies dipped in lard all over his freshly-polished loafers, however, Paul Ryan was faced with a horde of angry spectators, who alternately tried to yell at him and attack him.

Because the new tone is all about having class, America.

Ryan had barely begun speaking when a woman shouted, “Are you going to cut Medicare?”

Two women rushed the stage, and one was apparently arrested by three Iowa State Patrolmen after getting on stage with a banner.

“Woah…hey…alright…she must not be from Iowa,” said a dumbfounded Ryan as the woman got on stage.

The officers bounded out from behind the stage to pull her down, saying “She just punched a volunteer.”

Her concerns about Medicare were clearly founded, as she seemed to inflict bodily harm as a matter of course. Granted, Paul Ryan wrote the book on saving Medicare, slashing it to pieces for absolutely nobody who has Medicare right now, and opening up private options for people currently under 55. In fact, Ryan’s plan, which was co-authored by a progressive Oregonian Democrat (which is basically redundant), actually cuts Medicare significantly less than Obamacare. But whatever. You can’t burn facts at the stake and you can’t use them to justify bum-rushing a dude with 6% bodyfat and guns that could knock you into next Tuesday.

I think the question on everyone’s mind is not whether the Democrats are accurately portraying Ryan’s budget plan, but whether they intend to get tetanus and rabies shots before they start biting.