Todd Akin has apparently never met someone with a uterus

Let’s just get this out there: Todd Akin is an indefensible dumbass, who should be forced, if he stays in the race (which I’m sure he will) to do all interviews from here forward with his lips super-glued together while an “interpreter” with political experience and common sense translates his muddled answers into sentences that comport not only with a basic understanding of the female reproductive cycle, but also the general vision of the American public.

Let’s roll tape, shall we?

Blerg. This man is on the House of Representatives Science and Technology Committee, people. And he’s at least as dumb as Whoopi Goldberg. So that should tell you something about the quality of people we’re electing to office.

Anywhoo, we can see where he’s going with this: there’s some junk science floating around out there that claims the emotional reaction to rape is enough to send the female reproductive cycle tumbling into insanity, thus preventing implantation of any fertilized egg and rendering pregnancy from rape “somewhat impossible.” While its true that stress is a factor in the length of the cycle and can impact fertility, this isn’t necessarily an absolute. In fact, it’s far from an absolute. Like, as in, you can’t call it an absolute at all. Because it really doesn’t prevent pregnancy. In fact, it seems the pregnancy rate from rape is around 5%, and may actually even be an under-reported statistic.

The more legitimate answer to the question of “forcible rape” versus rape in general, would be, of course, to maintain that “forcible rape” is a legal term whereas “rape” is not, which has a significant impact on the utility of the law in question and whether it can be accurately applied, but nooooooooooooo. Todd Akin had to make it sound like Missouri women were going to start having to get their vaginas notarized.

“Show Me State” indeed.

The lamest part of this is that Akin claims that he “misspoke,” when it’s clear he meant exactly what he said. “I misspoke” is what clears away things like the assertion that America has 57 states, or the entire career or Dan Quayle, not a statement on anatomical processes. This is just embarrassing and unfortunately, it gives Democrats an opportunity to do two things: 1) bring back the discussion of forcible rape that took place in the House not too long ago and 2) shift the focus from the economy back to useless discussions of social issues that won’t be resolved and which Congress is able to have little effect on, but can be sleazily trotted out and hung around the neck of any GOP candidate in striking distance despite Rep. Akin clearly being a lunatic.

Good luck, Missouri. If you stick with this guy, we can’t say we didn’t warn you.