Look, you would think, by now, that Todd Akin would have ridden his stubborn little ass into the sunset, but you’d be wrong. Why free up an entire nation’s worth of political candidates from the burden of having to explain and distance themselves from comments made by a lunatic on a local television station in the middle of flyover country? That’s just too easy, people.
That said, while the GOP has been making every attempt to shoehorn a man with a Napoleon complex and the backing of the Daily Kos out of running for office in one state that could guarantee them a return to Senate superiority, the Democrats have been hard at work trying to scare the sh*t out of anyone with a vagina. Apparently, Todd Akin, despite being a dude no one had ever heard of until he decided to wax poetic on the scientific processes at work in the female human body, is the brains behind the entire Republican operation, which now, apparently, seeks to turn America into a dystopic, Theocratic Margaret Atwood novel where women trade their kidneys for packs of birth control in back alley abortion clinics.
Because, obviously. And, in case you hadn’t heard, Republicans, you’re also trying to use the Constitution to force rape victims to see priests before they see doctors. Or something.
Look, call me crazy, but I don’t tend to think female voters are as dumb as the DNC wants to believe. I mean, while some of us might be sending photos of our lady parts to various addresses at the Republican National Convention, I have a hard time buying that 51% of the American population can swallow this hook, line and sinker without asking further questions, like, “did you have to hit your head on a wall to come up with that or does this kind of creative thinking just come naturally?” Also, do all “Women’s Rights” protesters have frizzy hair? Is there some sort of dress code? And do you send it out by memo or email or what? And can’t you people order tee shirts that fit correctly?
But, then again, that’s just me. And I do like to forget that we’re responsible for things like the career of Justin Bieber, the rise of Pajama Jeans and the world’s supply of Kardashian perfume.