Congress is back in session – lucky you!- and handling the tough issues of our time. Along with righting our economic crisis, ending our dependence on foreign oil, finding judges for American sing-off reality television shows, they’ve adopted a new crusade sure to take a heavy burden off the backs of millions of Americans who look at those little “pod” packets of laundry detergent and dish-washing agent and think to themselves, man, that looks like a tasty, tasty little morsel.
Now, if this does not sound like an issue that should take priority among our elected officials, you might be among the millions of Americans, some of them parents, who keep their laundry detergent out of reach of people who are children or who act like them. But you would not be Sen. Chuck Schumer, for whom this issue is very, very personal.
Since April, 40 local children in the city have mistakenly downed the colorful laundry packs such as Tide Pods, leading to numerous hospitalizations, some emergency intestinal surgery, and pangs of hunger of Sen. Charles Schumer.
“The incidents are skyrocketing,” Schumer said Sunday joined by several medical professionals. “These pods were supposed to make household chores easier, not tempt our children to swallow harmful chemicals. I saw one on my staffer’s desk and I wanted to eat it.”
Well, since Emperor Obama can’t even figure out how to use an iPhone—-”Do I eat it ?” “Or is it a gadget that enables me to transmit a secret message to the antennae on Axelrod’s tin-foil hat ?”—maybe iPhones should be banned, in addition to the yummy looking laundry detergent pods.
After all, if the World’s Smartest Man can’t figure out how to use the iPhone, then just think how difficult it must be for all those slope-headed “folks” in the fly-over states who merely went to high school and then learned to drive an eighteen wheeler or attended welding school to attempt to operate one.
And when they become frustrated about not being able to master the iPhone, I bet they’ll just go cling to their guns and their religion !
If I were the proprietor of a bakery in New York, I’d custom-bake a cake that looks like a “Tide” box and have it delivered to one of Senator Chuckie’s offices.
Or would it be funnier to merely take an empty “Tide” box, and fill it up with little candies, and have it delivered to him ?
A lot of the Occupy protesters need to have their mouths washed out with soap.