Apparently, according to conservative columnist Roger Simon, who may or may not be a little off in the humor department, my fake boyfriend Paul Ryan is going rogue, hijacking campaign tour buses for late night cheddar runs, leaving dirty Packers jerseys scattered across hotel rooms in 57 states, making fun of dancing horses and establishing adorable pet names for his running mate.
Paul Ryan has gone rogue. He is unleashed, unchained, off the hook.
“I hate to say this, but if Ryan wants to run for national office again, he’ll probably have to wash the stench of Romney off of him,” Craig Robinson, a former political director of the Republican Party of Iowa, told The New York Times on Sunday.
Coming from a resident of Iowa, a state where people are polite even to soybeans, this was a powerful condemnation of the Republican nominee.
Though Ryan had already decided to distance himself from the floundering Romney campaign, he now feels totally uninhibited. Reportedly, he has been marching around his campaign bus, saying things like, “If Stench calls, take a message” and “Tell Stench I’m having finger sandwiches with Peggy Noonan and will text him later.”
The “finger sandwiches with Peggy Noonan” thing was probably enough to give away that this was an attempt at satire, skewering, at least in theory, The New York Times and several residents of Iowa, notably because Peggy Noonan is definitely more of a black bean avocado burger type of woman. And Paul Ryan would never call someone “The Stench.” Unless he was, presumably, referring to the NFL replacement referees.
Also, PowerPoint was not, as far as I know, invented to euthanize cattle, as is stated in the article. But facts, schmacts. This is an election yearand if I have to assume that Bill Gates had a closeted desire to rid the world of its bovine parasites, perhaps in the name of calling an end to Global Climate Change, who am I to argue with what is clearly printed in a newspaper people read to look smart.
Thankfully, a number of liberal media outlets double checked their source material before running to print with the rumor that Paul Ryan was orchestrating a Bus of Mutiny.
Okay, so you might say that Daily Kos is not necessarily a “respected source of news” for anyone other than Soledad O’Brien (and only then, when Democratic Underground is having connection problems), and that MSNBCs anchors are about as reliable as their Fox News counterparts for reliable information on their partisan opponents, and it’s not like any respectable journalistic outlets with Nobel Prize winners on their editorial boards would fall for this type of obvious….oh.
In a way, I sort of wish that they would do this to all of Krugman’s columns. But I digress.
After the “big reveal,” most of the offending outlets issued corrections, except the few that won’t believe the story was fake until someone goes under oath and testify that Romney and Ryan actually call each other “Snuggles” and “Bun Bun.” Fake but accurate! Too real to be fake! Vaginas are the future!
I’m just anticipating the last part.