Barack Obama thinks Mitt Romney hates children now.

I guessed, last week, that if the Obama campaign was planning to unleash an October surprise in order to minimize the damage of the first debate and the potential damage of Joe Biden. Obviously, the only way to turn around the disaster bus is to fundamentally change the foundation election cycle. Shake things up. Make people, including the liberals who completely gave up after a single disappointment (p*ssies – try being a Republican for more than the duration of a David Sedaris satire) believe again. Make them hope. Whatever the hell that means.

But I wasn’t prepared for this hard-hitting bit of opposition. I could never have been prepared for this little bit of  horrific, tragic, outrageous information that completely changes how I think about the candidates.

You see, Mitt Romney hates children.

President Obama‘s peeps say Mitt Romney is gonna be sorry for blowing off a bunch of kids who participated in the Nickelodeon show, “Kids Pick the President.”

The premise of the show — kids submit questions to each candidate and based on the answers they make their pick for leader of the free world.

Obama answered the kids’ questions, but Romney said he didn’t have the time.

Deputy National Press Secretary Adam Fetcher tells TMZ, “It’s no surprise Romney decided to play hookey.  Kids demand details, and I’m sure they want some answers on why Romney could increase their class sizes, eliminate their teacher’s jobs, raise taxes on their families and slash funding for Big Bird.”

Damn. That’s harsh. I’m sure a lot of children who are unable to vote will be devastated.

Given the slant of the Nickelodeon political intelligentsia, this might have been a good move on the part of the Romney campaign. I mean, I grew up with Nick News and before I could read chapter books, I was guilting unsuspecting parents into environmentalism as their proxy. In fact, I would say that my generation is markedly better off for having had Nickelodeon. I can’t think of a single Millennial who isn’t a well-informed, rational voter who rarely allows celebrity to get involved in their political decisions and almost never fails to consider the long-term economic implications of their vote.