Michael Bloomberg endorses Obama, Al Gore

The Obama campaign has brand new tactic and it has absolutely closed the case of this election.

America, in case you missed it, a large hurricane hit a major US city this week, resulting in such extensive devastation that they are actually unafraid to allow Michael Moore to enter into their midst. This is obviously a tragedy for millions. And there’s only one man who can save us from major tragedies caused by a number of factors beyond our control…and that’s Barack Obama. Because, like, Climate Change is the Most Important Issue Now. Because the hurricane was totally caused by it.

Because, obviously.

An Obama campaign surrogate said Thursday that super-storm Sandy amplified the need to more aggressively reduce greenhouse gas emissions and better protect coastal infrastructure.

“We’re at a place where we have to focus on both mitigation — reducing greenhouse gas emissions — and adaptation — starting to move our vital infrastructure out of harm’s way. We know this is going to be our future. This is our new normal,” Kevin Knobloch, who represented the Obama campaign as a private citizen and is president of the Union of Concerned Scientists, said at an event hosted by Climate Desk.

The tactic here is obvious. The Obama campaign relies, generally, on motivating key demographics. It’s a numbers game, and right now, the numbers game isn’t producing the results they’re looking for. Shockingly, the “ladies need to vote with their ladyparts in the off chance their vagina comes under personal attack by President Mitt Romney” line didn’t work – and may have driven independents into the Romney camp, judging by the almost equal split among women. So, why not attempt to translate the fear attendant to Sandy’s epic-ness into a brand new way to motivate environmental voters?

In other words, for the last five days of this campaign, Obama has totally gone with, “vote for me or Mother Earth gets it.”

And he’s called in Michael Bloomberg, because who better to convince America that freedom-limiting, nanny-state actions are just what humanity needs to save it from itself?

Bloomberg remained noncommittal for months and indicated that he may not offer any endorsement at all – but then the hurricane struck, making climate change his top concern.

The three-term mayor praised Obama’s efforts to reduce carbon consumption, which includes pushing American auto companies to manufacture environmentally-friendly vehicles.

The environmentally friendly vehicles exploded, and limited the capacity of General Motors to achieve the kinds of profits necessary to repay American taxpayers bled dry bailing out companies too big to fail, but it’s cool because someday, if Obama gets his way and totally isn’t partisan anymore and learns how to govern like a human being, we can probably save the Earth from the Third World countries whose greenhouse gas emissions far outpace that of the technologized First World. Or not. Because Obama’s not President of a Third World country. At least, not yet.

The problem with championing Climate Change now is pretty much the same problem that has always been: and that is that moderate Democrats whose states rely on working class jobs produced by Climate Change-inducing horror industries like coal, oil drilling and natural gas, run from the subject like it was a Sandra Fluke rally. And with swing states like Pennsylvania and Ohio hanging in the balance – where the EPA’s regulations have all but killed job growth – a couple of pickup popular votes in Chicago, New York City and Malibu seems like a risk not worth taking.

But hey, Bloomberg speaks Spanish! So there’s that.

  1. Anthony Bialy

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