Obama celebrates victory by bombing Yemen with drones, chatting up UN

Man, it seems like just a month ago we were totally having this foreign policy debate where we were talking about not randomly bombing Middle Eastern countries or, you know, interjecting in every major conflict because, as the United States we are uniquely positioned to not only routinely assume that nation building is our specialty despite evidence to the contrary, but also to respond with the kind of half-assed-ness you expect from a country that relies on reality television and fast food for it’s gross domestic product.

Barack Obama understands world conflicts! He’s totally a peace-loving dude! He even pronounces the names of foreign countries with emphasis on the central syllables like he was a frat boy just returned from a semester abroad and now only eats toaster waffles with Nutella! He would never randomly send a drone to bomb a country without asking the American people first and possibly having them fly the drone using Xbox Live!

Or something.

On Wednesday morning, as many Americans sifted through the voter data and exit poll numbers of President Barack Obama’s reelection the night before, the Twitter feedsof close watchers of Yemen lit up with reports of another sort of presidential event: an apparent U.S. drone strike had killed several individuals in that country.

There was no way of being certain if the strike was indeed American, or for that matter if it was a drone strike at all, although it had all the markings of one.

“All signs (after dark, suspicions of locals, target) point to Sanhan strike being a US drone,” Yemen-based freelance journalist Adam Baron wrote on Twitter.

Several other analysts concurred.

Now, in all fairness, we do these drone strike things now because Obama doesn’t like accidentaly capturing innocent people who happen to live in the same neighborhoods as terrorists so we just totally kill them now. Less witnesses.

Also, m*****f***er.

The good news is that we’re joining some sort of UN nonproliferation treaty so not only will everyone be happy, but international arms sales will end because they’re totally going to be afraid that we’ll send them a strongly worded letter.

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