A month or so ago, we brought you the heartwarming story of idiots on Twitter who decided, based on a satire article that they assumed to be true, that Mitt Romney would ban tampons as part of his crusade to turn America into a post-feminist dystopia where women are chained to their children and forced to live in caves while they menstruate.
But now, crisis averted. Millions of American women can breathe a sigh of relief as the crisis known as Tampocalypse that never existed in the first place has been safely averted.
This is probably just an honest mistake made by people who trust the Internet to tell them what to think. But what about all that birth control? Surely, when President Mitt Romney made pregnancy mandatory for all women, and magically reversed all abortions ever, he was also going to lock away all of the birth control in his Secret Lockbox of Sexism, rendering it unavailable to the hordes of women who depend on it for their very existence? I mean, surely no one thought that the policy of maintaining the status quo wherein they purchased their own generic birth control at Wal-Mart for $9 per month meant that controlling their fertility with medication would be rendered illegal?
Some people should probably not be allowed to vote.