As of this morning, we totally had a shirtless FBI agent secretly investigating a catty love triangle that he then tries to join, followed up by security breaches that might implciate the CIA in a secret prison that the President of the United States totally outlawed, like, first thing in his administration, and then there was this other general who totally emailed the first chick like, a gazillion times while he was on the clock saving the country.
The only thing that would have made the story better was an evil twin.
And now we have it.
Jill Kelley, whose complaint over threatening emails prompted the FBI inquiry that has ensnared two top generals, is mired in lawsuits from a string of banks totalling $4 million (£2.5 million), court filings obtained by The Daily Telegraph in Florida show.
Meanwhile Mrs Kelley’s identical twin Natalie Khawam – who obtained testimonies to her good character from both Gen Petraeus and Gen John Allen during her own separate legal battle – declared herself bankrupt earlier this year with liabilities of $3.6 million, filings show.
The 37-year-old sisters have emerged as central players in the saga gripping Washington’s national security establishment since Mrs Kelley was named as the “second woman” allegedly harassed by jealous emails from Paula Broadwell, Gen Petraeus’s biographer and mistress.
Basically, the two were living a bit larger than their modest incomes allowed in order to be able to mix with the wealthier Florida crowds. Natalie was once even so desperate to make it into Florida’s major social circles that she dated Charlie Crist. Both of them really liked to throw expensive parties, and Ms. Kelley apparently “spared no expense” when she hosted men in uniform, entertaining her guests with buffets, cigars and string quartets. Unfortunately, to pay for her lavish lifestyle, Ms. Kelley neglected to do important things liek pay the morgtage on her house and pay attention to the limits of her credit cards.
Her sister Natalie has some similar problems, owning around $3 million in back taxes and various other debts, including an $800,000 loan from her sister. And while she’s declared bankruptcy, she’s being sued by her bankruptcy lawyer for failing to report that she had some expensive toys when she declared her assets to the bank.
So this kind of sounds like we’re dealing with a couple of social climbing grifter twins, which is amazing. It will be especially amazing if they switched places at some point in a Sweet Valley High “how will Elizabeth ever pass the math exam?” type situation, but it’s totally not necessary. After all, someone allegedly has a couple of secret Rolexes and the other one may or may not have been trying to engineer her way around a crazy biographer in order to bang a general.
I don’t know how this could get more awesome. Unless someone also had amnesia from a car accident. Where the car went off a cliff. In a snowstorm. That was followed by a wildfire. That caused a flood. But only one twin had amnesia. And the other took her place and played both twins in order to throw off the authorities.
There’s always tomorrow.