Hipsters are all buying artisinal bread with your tax money now

Hipsters are at an unfortunate disadvantage in an economic downturn. It’s not as though losing a job directly impacts their lifestyle, primarily because they likely never had a job to begin with, but when mommy and daddy are unable to sustain their precious budding contemporary fabrics artist in her uptown loft-slash-studio because their long term capital gains investments have met with Congressional scorn, the teat becomes that much harder to suck.

Fortunately, the hipsters have found a way to maintain their high-class eating habits without wasting any of their parents’ monthly support checks. Nope. They’re safely socking away that money for Urban Outfitters shopping sprees and long nights spent building pyramids out of Pabst Blue Ribbon cans, and instead using your money for artisinal bread binges and soy-based meat-substitute product.

You see, America, the hipsters have discovered food stamps.

Magida, a 30-year-old art school graduate, had been installing museum exhibits for a living until the recession caused arts funding — and her usual gigs — to dry up. She applied for food stamps last summer, and since then she’s used her $150 in monthly benefits for things like fresh produce, raw honey and fresh-squeezed juices from markets near her house in the neighborhood of Hampden, and soy meat alternatives and gourmet ice cream from a Whole Foods a few miles away.

“I’m eating better than I ever have before,” she told me. “Even with food stamps, it’s not like I’m living large, but it helps.”…

Josh Ankerberg, a 26-year-old who lives in Brooklyn, N.Y., started getting food stamps a year ago as an AmeriCorps volunteer, a group that has long had special dispensation to qualify for them, and he has continued using them while he job hunts. He uses his $200 in monthly benefits at Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods and a local farmer’s market to maintain his self-described healthy flexitarian diet, and notes that two of his roommates — a graduate student in poetry and an underemployed cook, both in their 20s — also started getting food stamps in the past two months, as have other friends and acquaintances.

It’s tough to afford the kind of lifestyle their moral superiority entitles them to, America.


  1. Earthlings on Mars

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