Jesse Jackson Jr. says Jesse Jackson Jr. is disabled and if you agree, he’ll go away.

He’s working on a plea deal that might or might not include him giving up his seat in Congress, which he just re-won, and possibly facing jail time, but Jesse Jackson, Jr. is not about to go quietly into that dark night – at least not without ensuring that he is forever the problem of the American taxpayer.

You see, since he’s bipolar and spent some time doing inpatient treatment at a much fancier mental health clinic than you’ll ever be able to afford, Jesse Jackson Jr. says he’s permanently disabled. And that essentially means you should be permanently paying for him not to work for you, America. Even if it so happens that him “not working for you” has to do with the fact that he’s wearing an orange jumpsuit and stamping license plates.

Sources tell FOX 32 News that Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. is willing to give up his 2nd Congressional District seat if he’s given disability when he steps down.

Jackson Jr. was re-elected to his tenth term but last month, sources say, he applied for a disability package–what could be his only income if he resigns. It is expected to take a couple of weeks for Congress to approve or deny the request.

In a way, this is sort of a step up from when he was missing, because when he was missing you were paying him his full salary not to do his job. In fact, when he was in Congress, you were probably paying him his full salary not to do his job. Now, you’ll only be paying him part of his full salary not to do his job. While also probably paying someone else to do his job. Which is not the point, America. Because this is Jesse F***ing Jackson, Jr.

The even better news? The only person who has so far publicly announced he is considering a run for Jesse Jackson Jr.’s soon to be vacated seat? Blagojevich attorney Sam Adams, Jr. Because, obviously.

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