Morning Report: Back on the downswing

It’s good to know that things never really change. Here we all were, with our panties in a twist over the election, freaking out because who the hell knows what changes lie in store for us, and then it just turns out it’s more weird press conferences, Congressional inaction and terrible jobless reports. Thank goodness. Or something.

1. Today’s Department of Labor weekly jobs report is the worst one since April of 2011. Apparently, this is because a hurricane hit a couple of states, but it seems a bit presumptuous to assume that (a) FEMA has already capably assisted enough people that Internet has been restored to the full tri-state areas, and (b) that had a direct impact on Michigan, Ohio and Pennsylvania.

2. The Wall Street Journal is reporting that Petraeus was pushed out for refusing to accept the blame for the Benghazi attacks after a rousing inter-agency game of rock-paper-you-take-the-fall.

3. A new book paints Barack Obama as either the second coming of Jesus, or the only hope this author had of achieving fame.

4. Denny’s will begin taking out it’s frustration with new Obamacare health insurance regulations on the stoners who eat there.

5. No one is getting shot in Chicago anymore. Ever. And we know this because the top priority of Mayor Emanuel is to eliminate junk food in vending machines.

I don’t know what Congress worked on yesterday, America, but I’m assuming it wasn’t what you wanted them to work on. Cheers!

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