Morning Report: So close

The weekend is upon us. The holiday is just around the corner. And it’s only Tuesday. This never happens. Rejoice, America. And ready yourselves. You need energy to to eat that much. And to trample all those other shoppers at 4am at the Wal-Mart. More than just you want that television.

1. Marco Rubio gave an interview to GQ in which he refused to indicate how old he thought the Earth was, which automatically means he thinks dinosaurs roamed the Garden of Eden and Adam and Eve played touch football with sabre-tooth tigers before they were all wiped out by a giant flood 4,000 years ago.

2. Atheists are still a bunch of insufferable douchebags.

3. Apparently, the White House has placed some very interesting phone calls to the Director of National Intelligence. Because they seem to think this Benghazi thing is their problem now.

4. Eric Holder will stay on as Attorney general for “about a year” or at least long enough to not investigate a bunch of things that pertain directly to Obama’s re-election.

5. Socialism working out for France about as well as can be expected.

This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for you, America. I think.

  1. Earthlings on Mars

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