Since they’ve already had their fun eliciting awesome rape quotes from unsuspecting politicians who also happen to be undisciplined idiots, it seems those seeking to profile potential 2016 candidates have taken to obtaining quotes on the subject of evolution. Because if there’s a lesson the GOP didn’t learn from it’s unsuccessful foray into the world of women’s anatomy, it’s that you need to keep a tight lid on the sh*t you think about lest it come out of your mouth.
Case in point, Marco Rubio, who for some inexplicable reason gave an interview to GQ Magazine, in which the interviewer randomly asked about the age of the Earth. To wit, Marco Rubio responded that he had no idea, possibly because because he hasn’t figured out which interpretation of the Bible he likes best.
GQ: How old do you think the Earth is?
RUBIO: I’m not a scientist, man. I can tell you what recorded history says, I can tell you what the Bible says, but I think that’s a dispute amongst theologians and I think it has nothing to do with the gross domestic product or economic growth of the United States. I think the age of the universe has zero to do with how our economy is going to grow. I’m not a scientist. I don’t think I’m qualified to answer a question like that. At the end of the day, I think there are multiple theories out there on how the universe was created and I think this is a country where people should have the opportunity to teach them all. I think parents should be able to teach their kids what their faith says, what science says. Whether the Earth was created in 7 days, or 7 actual eras, I’m not sure we’ll ever be able to answer that. It’s one of the great mysteries.
The proper answer to this question is, obviously, “old.” Instead, we get a paragraph long diatribe about how the subject of the age of the Earth has absolutely nothing to do with the price of tea in China or how much we currently offshore to the same country, but just in case, he has this crazy theory that he picked up about seven eras of creation that he totally just wants to sit down and tell you about over coffee and possibly a pamphlet or two about what to expect when he kidnaps you into his cult.
Look. I don’t care if a candidate thinks that the Earth is a billions-of-years-old rock that has settled into a mostly-circular orbit around a massive star in a galaxy the way the scientists think it seems to, or a candidate thinks that a flying spaghetti monster crapped out the Earth and everything on it except unicorns on the fourth day of a cross-universe bender. What matters is that they keep this f***ing opinion to themselves because – and this is key – it is completely irrelevant to the task at hand, which is maintaining the integrity of your future campaign. Which Marco Rubio has, to his credit, successfully not done.
Welcome to 2016, America. May we be half as lucky as we weren’t in 2012.