If the Federal government were a human being, it would definitely be that person who wins the lottery and goes on television with a thick accent that leads you to believe they’ve spent 90% of their lives hunting squirrels to cook on their trailer’s hot plate, thanking America for it’s generosity because the money will totally help them pay off the credit card bills they racked up buying parts for their 4-Wheeler, only to be visited three years later by a reporter form Inside Edition who finds a bunch of cars on blocks in their front yard because for whatever reason, they got all that money and still spent it on parts for their 4-Wheeler.
The good news is, the lottery winner who takes a third of your income has decided it cannot possibly exist without more of your money, so we’re locked in negotiations about how much it should be allowed to take while still spending like a drunken sailor with access to someone else’s ATM card. And the White House has an awesome idea on how to solve the “revenue problem:” just raise taxes on everyone and continue spending like a drunken sailor with access to someone else’s ATM card.
Oh, and let the President keep raising the debt limit on his America’s credit cards without Congressional approval.
Because what could possibly go wrong.
The proposals from the White House – the first to use hard numbers – include a $1.6tn tax increase, a $50bn stimulus package and new presidential powers to raise the federal debt limit without congressional approval…
Boehner is said to have demanded matching spending cuts in return for raising the federal debt ceiling, which limits the total amount the US government can borrow. The Congressional Budget Office estimates it will be breached in February or March next year.
USA Today reports that three Republican congressional aides familiar with the president’s offer cast it as an “outrageous” proposal that surprised the speaker and has set back negotiations on how to avoid the fiscal cliff coming at the end of the year, when all of the Bush-era tax rates expire and the first of $1.2tn in spending cuts over 10 years are triggered.
Aha. Ahahahaha. Ahahahahahahaha.
Oh this is serious.
Apparently, the White House initially promised entitlement reform, but that has yet to be brought up in any meeting that actually counts toward the end of this. Because this stuff is serious. And also hilarious. I mean, really.
The assumption here is obviously that John Boehner is dumb enough to take this deal, and he probably is. Of course, given that Republicans will get blamed whether this has half the tax cuts or none of the tax cuts, the answer to the offer remains pretty clear. Take the blame. Take the half. Ask for pie.