Morning Report: Half-baked

If there was one lesson the GOP should have learned from November, it’s that pretty much everyone thinks they’re exactly like the other guys, so instead of, you know, voting for them, everyone just basically stayed home. Which ended up being a problem.

In response to this apparent shortcoming, the GOP has responded forcefully by declaring themselves the party of Gutless Old Pussies, and has now taken to purging their own ranks so that ardent conservatives (and a number of hardcore libertarians), will have no say in the legislative process for the next four years.

Let me be the first to predict that this is not a winning strategy. But hey, what do I know? I’m just a libertarian.

1. There is some speculation that the “conservative purge” from key posts has less to do with the political stances championed by the now-ousted committee members and more to do with the fact that John Boehner is an asshole.

2. CNN thinks the Democrats might just be more interested in embarrassing the GOP than in solving the whole Fiscal Cliff thing. This is crazy. The GOP doesn’t need the Democrats to embarrass them. They’re doing a fine job by themselves.

3. The White House responded to the Republican Fiscal Cliff counter-offer by reminding them that they’re totally not supposed to call the White House ever unless it’s something important.

4. Barack Obama is basically Abraham Lincoln. Or something.

5. There appears to be a Royal Baby on the way! And the Daily Mail has every last detail covered! In case you were wondering what the bed the Royal Baby might have been conceived in could have looked like! Because THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.

If the Mayans were correct, America, you only have like, 15 days left of this, so don’t even worry your pretty little head.

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