There are a lot of things I thought Michigan would become in my absence – a smoking hole in the ground, a third world-esque dictatorship run somewhat successfully by wild dogs, a frozen wasteland protected by a strange race of dwarves – but I never thought it would become a Right to Work state. But yet here we are. On the precipice. Headed into the great beyond where union dues can’t be forcibly extracted from people’s paychecks, where the Teacher’s Union is more about teaching kids than throwing political weight around and people get fired and not rehired when they smoke pot on the job.
Or maybe. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Or ahead of the unions that will spend the day littering the state capitol’s floor with empty soda cans.
1. Weirdly, people are moving their money into offshore accounts and tax shelters in preparation for the inevitable tax hike that follows our dive off the Fiscal Cliff.
2. The unions are handling the end to their ability to force workers to fund their election coffers very professionally. Just kidding, they’re all f***ing nuts and the Michigan state capitol is Ground Zero. The good news is, though, that the unions couldn’t even get enough Michigan workers to protest, so they had to import union workers from across state lines.
3. Also showing up in Michigan? A bunch of union dudes who make something like thirty times the average salary of a union workers, entirely paid for by union workers.
4. In a bid to enforce our nation-building efforts, the US is sending 20 brand new F-16s to Egypt so that Morsi can now assault protesters from the air.
5. Most people think Santa, who used to operate on a merit-based system, but now just gives sh*t to everyone, is a Democrat.