The Morning Report: Picking the winners

There’s a bit less to report today. Its like that moment in the movie right before Thelma and Louise drive off the cliff. Complete silence. That weird, sinking feeling that something terrible is about to happen. The sound of an engine cutting. The sound of zombies shuffling. The sound of silence.

1. Harry Belafonte is still alive. I was shocked, too.

2. Warren Buffett is super cool with higher taxes. Which is why he just executed a $1.2B buyback of Berkshire Hathaway shares from a single unnamed investor who was looking to avoid the heavy hand of the estate tax.

3. Chris Christie does not believe he is too fat to be President. Barbara Walters, for her part, does not believe she is too old for One Direction. No one is thinking clearly here.

4. Remember when your principal threatened to put your grammar school transgressions on your permanent record? And it sounded so terrifying because it was your permanent record? But really, it was just available to the administrative offices of whatever school you attended? Yeah, not anymore.

5. If women were in charge, we’d have a deal on the Fiscal Cliff. And a Federal provision against wearing leggings as pants.

Good luck, America. There’s only a few days left.

  1. Earthlings on Mars

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