Morning Report: Moving on

Not because we want to, but because, in the end, arguments on the Internet are unlikely to produce any meaningful change, at least not immediately. Everyone seems to respond to tragedy by shouting to ban the thing they blame most for the tragedy, whether that’s guns, rock and roll, Marilyn Manson, violent video games or whatever. The problem is, the root cause is “crazy,” and “crazy” is about as easy to predict as it is to legislate. Unless you want one of those creepyMinority Report style surveillance systems where the government knows what you did before you do it because they hire a bunch of androgynous clairvoyants that they keep in wetsuits in a hot tub run by Tom Cruise.

So let us share our grief and our prayers, and move on to what our job is, namely making fun of people who think they run America.

1. John Kerry will probably become our new Secretary of State, so Massachusetts is going to have to appoint or elect a new Senator. And before things even get started, they’re already proving incapable of doing that.

2. John Boehner has agreed to raise taxes on millionaires if you will please just leave him alone for ten minutes so he can get his GTL finished. This tan doesn’t orange itself.

3. Jamie Foxx apparently does not watch his own movies. Particularly given that the most recent one is directed by Quentin Tarantino.

4. Apparently, the Baby Jesus is gay now. The guy who wrote the DaVinci Code is going to have some explaining to do.

5. Tim Scott will replace Jim DeMint in the Senate, and possibly in the minds of everyone who has suddenly forgotten who Jim DeMint is.

It’s a new week, America. Take it by the horns.

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