The Obamas have yet to master this vacation wardrobe thing.

Remember last year when Michelle Obama took a vacation to Hawaii and spent more than most people make in a month on two ugly sundresses that looked like she bought them at Target? I do. Actually, I remember when I didn’t spend $4 million in taxpayer funds to go on a vacation to Hawaii. And that time I did it again this year. I love you, America. I wouldn’t do that to you.

At any rate, Michelle Obama is back on vacation in Hawaii, and she’s back to wearing expensive stuff. Except this time, apparently jealous of the attention Kate Middleton is getting by having been knocked up and subsequently vomiting her brains out, Michelle donned a Narciso Rodriguez frock that made her look seven months pregnant with an alien.

Lest you think looking like you just busted your Spanx at an Old Country Buffet can come cheaply, this piece (which Michelle wore once before at a July 4th celebration), called the Bubble Hem Tank Dress, retails between $500 and $700, depending on where you shop and whether you can handle being the second person to wear the dress. If you’re lucky, you can snag one on eBay for around $349.00, except that one is pink and will probably make you look like a pregnant hooker.

My real question here is, however, not whether Michelle Obama was ever taught the rule that you never wear an empire waist once you look old enough to birth the food baby you’ll inevitably acquire, but whether anyone pays any attention to what Barack Obama has in his closet. That outfit is less “I’m the coolest President you’ve ever had” and more, “with just a slightly higher hem I could be a middle-American tourist at Oktoberfest.” Seriously. Those pleated khakis are so far up his crotch they’re living in his intestines. And that shirt. Unless he suddenly experienced massive weight loss, like within the last thirty minutes prior to this photograph, that shirt is too wide, too boxy, too sleeve-y and…why does this man dress like a 50s sitcom neighbor kid.

And then he tucked it in.

Look. Anna Wintour apparently donated millions to his campaign. Are you really telling me she couldn’t have spotted him a Tommy Bahama gift card?

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