Morning Report: The final week

Over the weekend, there were about fifty bazillion articles about a “Tea Party” resurgence, which is weird because, you’d think if one might have happened, it might have happened when the Tea Party had the chance to affect the outcome of an election. As such, no one showed up to vote who said they would and this week, which marks the last week of Obama’s first term, is basically just a press conference between vacations and Biden jokes.

Let’s catch up on the weekend so we can move on, shall we?

1. The Obama Administration would like you to know that, due to significant concerns regarding deficit reduction, which were not important enough to defray talk of minting a trillion dollar coin (which as you recall, was the solution to money troubles in both DuckTales and an episode of the 90s cartoon version of Richie Rich), the White House has currently tabled plans to build a Death Star.

2. Bill Clinton is buddies with Steven Spielberg, and Steven wanted Bill Clinton to introduce his movie at the Golden Globes, which he did. Last night. To a standing ovation and some commentary about how he’s really not as awesome as his wife.

3. Incidentally, Hollywood still thinks jokes about Sarah Pain from 2008 are f***ing hilarious. Which makes them a little like that guy who got dumped by a chick in high school and spent the next decade talking about how lame she was.

4. More Americans were murdered in Chicago last year than were murdered in Afghanistan. Which makes Chicago still slightly safer than Detroit.

5. That “map of gun owners” that some newspaper in New York published in an effort to make everyone safe now seems to be connected to a burglary.

It’s Monday, people. Buck up. You have a whole week ahead of you.

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