Obama is lonely because no one parties with him anymore.

He’s not such a bad guy. He likes to party just like everyone else. So why won’t you love him.

It has come to this.

He followed this statement with a heartfelt olive branch to Republicans, stating that he just ran an entire campaign about spending and debt and the American people who showed up agreed with him, so nyah. Which is not likely to win him any friends, despite the fact that we all know by now that John Boehner spends his evenings crying and drinking white Zinfandel in his bathtub with a face full of self-tanner, as he stares up at Obama’s autographed picture.

If Obama is really interested in winning friends, perhaps he should take a few lessons from Bill Clinton, who, in addition to bringing down the house at an event where rich people give themselves trophies, may or may not have propositioned Claire Danes.


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