Watch Chuck Schumer make apple pie.

So my second laptop crapped out on me in two months – on the same day Geek Squad rewarded my patience in waiting for them to repair my first computer by telling me my computer was repaired without actually repairing it – so if any of you have a spare $1000 or so lying around, I could really use it.

No? Oh, well. Here’s a video of Chuck Schumer attempting to channel his inner Paula Deen. Don’t say I’ve never done anything nice for you.

And voila! Although I probably wouldn’t eat that. And neither should you.

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