Let me recount the events of yesterday.
One year (yes, one year, but thankfully for a number of retail outlets, one month after the warranty expired) after purchasing my brand new Sony Vaio with all the bells and whistles, the hard drive crapped out and I had to brave Geek Squad, whose service, which includes free condescending advice on computer care, cost me $200. Yesterday, after two months of what turned out to be free computer boarding, Geek Squad called me up to tell my my computer was ready. Huzzah! But it was not to be. When I picked up my poor Vaio, it turned out Geek Squad hadn’t touched it, the hard drive had not been replaced and they had simply moved it to their “out” pile. Because, obviously.
After a short meltdown, I grabbed my crippled computer from the clutches of it’s untrustworthy caretakers, and brought it back home where I could care for it myself. Only to find out my dog had chewed through the only remaining power cord for my ancient, back-up MacBook.
But the point is, I’m back, America.
1. And so is Mark Sanford, which is more than anyone could ever ask for in a million years.
2. For the second year in a row, the Climate Crisis rally to address global warming was greeted with record low temperatures in DC and a bonus ice storm. Birkenstocks just ain’t going to cut it in this brave new, warming world.
3. Bill Clinton hints that he may be ready to meet his successor, but not for the Presidency.
4. The White House is about to make it much harder for you to petition them to use the trillion dollar coin to build ourselves a Death Star.
5. For someone who once recognized Americans as “bitter clingers,” Obama has definitely underestimated the American obsession with stocking entire closets full of high grade weaponry.
Keep it going, America. You’re our only hope now.