Morning Report: Second chances

You have been warned, America.

Nope, that’s it. You’ve just been warned.

1. Barack Obama would like you to know that you are one lucky sonofabitch that he’s in charge of centralized government, because it is where all of your freedoms derive from.

2. The NAACP has thrown everyone for a loop by declaring the NYC giant soda ban racist.

3. Matt Damon’s anti-fracking movie did not make a lot of money for Matt Damon.

4. Beyonce faked it for the President. Which is impressive because she was convincingly terrible.

5. Hillary Clinton is doing this right now. Which is enough comedy to take you through the weekend.

Good luck with that, America.

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