Morning Report: Double vision

Today was the first snow in Chicago, everyone! Which means that an entire city just remembered why they hate snow. Sure, we may have spent the last month or two blaming global warming for exposing our grubby lawns and bare trees, but at least when it was dry we were still capable of operating a motor vehicle!

1. Hillary Clinton was sporting Fresnel prism lenses in her glasses, possibly indicating that her head injury left her not only unable to handle the immense pressures of being questioned by surly bureaucrats, but also with double vision.

2. It is a sad day, America. You have lost Tina Turner for good. Also, Tina Turner was still alive.

3. Yesterday, Senator Diane Feinstein proposed a spate of complex regulations for firearms that included complete bans on “assault weapons” and “high capacity magazines,” as well as bans on some shotguns and handguns. In case you were wondering, the bill also included language that exempted all government officials -including members of Congress and the people who guard them – from the ban.

4. If you ever wondered why journalists rarely ask the President the tough questions, well, it’s because they are so moved by his presence they are lucky if they retain their ability to speak.

5. Rand Paul is amazing.

You almost feel sorry for John Kerry.

Good luck, America. It’s almost the weekend.

  1. Earthlings on Mars

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