Michelle Obama finally defeated by fat Americans’ unwillingness to move.

When her husband took office, Michelle Obama had one goal: make America less fat. It doesn’t really matter that the government doesn’t have any business making personal decisions for people, the point was, everyone in this country is a sedentary sloth who consumes metric tons of fast food per month, except they don’t know it’s metric because that’s European and probably French.

She wasn’t very successful. Growing Power took over a bunch of community gardens and made them breeding grounds for baby Communists, schoolkids started to lose body mass because their healthy school lunch means were missing the vital calories and nutrients they need to stay awake. Plus there was all those things about how she didn’t actually take on food industry lobbyists because they contributed a cool million to her husband’s re-election campaign.

Anywhoo, it seems rather than admit defeat, Mrs. Obama has just seen fit to let news of her crusade against underage cholesterol die. As of today, she hasn’t been at the helm of “Let’s Move” for months.

First Lady Michelle Obama appears to have abandoned, at least for now, her oft-criticized “Let’s Move” initiative to promote exercise and healthy eating among the nation’s youth, halting public appearances and statements related to the program.

Mrs. Obama does not appear to have done anything much to personally publicize the initiative in more than four months – since she released a video in early September welcoming children back to school and telling them about the “healthy, delicious new choices” on school lunch menus. In August she had a “Kids’ State Dinner” at the White House to showcase healthy eating.

Her departure seems to coincide with the appearance of a viral video, where students on Mrs. Obama’s new lunch plan are show sleeping at their desks and complaining about being hungry. But that’s not that big of a deal, right? I mean, those damned kids need to lose weight.

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