Pro-choice protesters exhibit class, willingness to share ideas at March for Life.

No, I’m just kidding. They acted like major f***ing lunatics. Because if there’s anything that says, “the fact that abortion exists is indicative of an undervaluation of women in society, let’s come together to do something about that” like these awesome signs.

Let’s roll down the top five, because it’s always nice to see where everyone else messaging falls way short of the target.

1. “Your God Hates You, It’s Cold as F**k.”

In her defense, the March for Life always is cold as f**k. In fact, it’s usually on the coldest day of the year. But God has other ways of showing that He hates you, because unlike Al Gore, He doesn’t pretend to control the weather. Whether He happend to inspire your hairdresser to give you those bangs, though, that’s another story.

2. “F**k Bitches Get Abortions.”

She’s missing a comma in there somewhere, but in a way, she has the instructions right: first you f**k the bitch, then she has an abortion. And that is how the cycle of domestic abuse and exploitation of women continues on and on into eternity. But whatever, that part is just a trivial side effect. Or, if this creepy ass video from the Center for Reproductive Rights is to be believed, a happy consequence. Like one of those free gifts you get when you buy cosmetics from a major company, full of tiny things you’ll never use.

3. “Another Anniversary of Roe v. Wade.”

Whatever hope that last sign gaveth to the potential deadbeat fathers of the world, this sign taketh away. Thankfully, it’s being held by a man, so it’s also like a complete admission of guilt in regard to the weaknesses of his gender. Which, apparently, include spelling.

4. “Since a man can’t make one.”

Never accuse the left of being anti-science. It ruins the carefully crafted, preening sense of self worth that comes as a side dish to public school participation trophies. Bonus points for quoting Tupac Shakur, who was, by all accounts, a pioneer in the field of rights for “bitches and hoes.”

5. The Jesus Series.

I don’t understand the punctuation on the first sign: period, question mark, period. It’s like there’s a metaphoric pregnancy scare in there designed to drive the point home.  The second one has a point, I suppose, but loses it a complete facepalm of random capital letters and tipping text lines. Also, this is probably a perfect example of why Chinese preschoolers kick our asses at basically everything.

Just as a way to flesh out the story, let’s take a quick look at the horrible, malformed, disgusting, old-farty, religious lunatics they were protesting with the fire and intellectual capacity of a thousands suns, Students for Life of America.

They look like a rough bunch.

  1. Earthlings on Mars
  2. Kristan
  3. Donald Simms
  4. John Airey

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