Morning Report: Below zero.

That was a reference to the GDP and the weather! It all matches up. Life is so mysterious.

1. Obama is finally ending the jobs council that hasn’t met in a year and never did anything about the jobs problem.

2. On the same day that jobless claims spike (unexpectedly!) and the Financial Times is reporting the decline of the Western economic model.

3. Vladimir Putin has hired Boyz II Men to bring back the smooth, sexy sounds of the American 90s, when all those kids were getting it on and making teenage pregnancies, in order to raise the Russian birth rate.

4. Unions helped pass Obamacare presumably because when the government takes care of your healthcare, more of the union dues can go to beefing up the union leaders American car collection. Except, now Obamacare has driven their healthcare costs up, because now unions are forced to pay for prescription drugs and deadbeat college grads. And sadly, Obama doesn’t really care.

5. Connecticut Senator Beth Bye is definitely paying attention to this very important hearing on gun control that she has repeatedly claimed is for the heath, safety and future of our children. Just kidding. She’s surfing Facebook and Twitter. But in the most for the children-y way.

Almost there, America. Hang in there.

  1. Earthlings on Mars

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