America responding to chicken wing shortage in typical American fashion.

So remember how we told you all about how government regulations that require 40% of our corn crop to go to ethanol production even in years like this one where there’s a severe drought that affects corn growth were having adverse effect in chicken wing availability, particularly in light of Super Bowl wing consumption?

Well, it seems we weren’t the only ones who noticed. In Georgia, the victims in the government’s War on Wings (or #waronwings, if we’re getting all new media-y) are fighting back. Or, sort of. At any rate, they’re responding the shortage of chicken wings. By stealing chicken wings. But let’s put it this way. This never would have happened if the government weren’t dead set on taking nearly half the American corn crop and giving it to people with Environmental Science degrees who couldn’t get a job after college.

Police say two storage warehouse workers stole $65,000 worth of chicken wings.

Gwinnett County police investigators said they believe Dewayne Patterson and Renaldo Jackson used a rental truck on Jan. 12 and took 10 pallets of frozen wings from Nordic Cold Storage.

The theft comes at a time when demand and prices for chicken wings are at the highest…One percent fewer chickens were produced this year after last year’s drought drove up feed and corn prices, according to the National Chicken Council.

Cooper said customers should not worry about the shortage if they’re purchasing their wings from a big franchise like his.

This is hitting you in the heart, America.


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