We knew this was going to be awesome from the moment it became clear Mark Sanford was going to attempt to return to political power. After all, the man was forced to give up his position as South Carolina’s governor because he was cheating on his wife with a chick in Argentina, but telling everyone in his state that he was lost in the mountains so that they wouldn’t suspect a thing when they found he had vanished into thin air.
Well, now, he’s married to his Argentinian sexytime lady, they have a couple of kids, and, as it turns out, God has told Mark Sanford that He forgives him for abandoning his family and his job to track down some sweet south-of-the-border lovin’, and that makes everything hunky dory. In fact, it means he’s all set to represent the American people once again.
The disgraced ex-South Carolina governor is back on the trail seeking forgiveness for the sins that caused his political career to collapse in spectacular fashion four years ago: The mysterious days-long disappearance, the lies about hiking the Appalachian Trail and the extramarital affair with an Argentine woman that splintered the Republican’s picture-perfect family and shattered his presidential aspirations.
“I’m not in any way unaware of how I’ve let you down. I’m not in any way unaware of my well-chronicled failings as a human being,” Sanford told a Hilton Head Island Republican group last week, in the first public speech of his campaign. “But I am equally aware that God forgives people who are imperfect.”
The sad part of this? Currently, Sanford is considered the “favorite” for the seat, mostly because of the extensive name recognition he achieved when he left the state to cheat on his wife. The race is now to see who will take second place to Sanford and face him in a runoff for the GOP nomination. Which is pretty much, in one sentence, everything that is wrong with the Republican party. Except for the part where they actually let Mark Sanford run.
Thankfully, Sanford is at least not running as a “family values” candidate, though it could be said that he was so committed to families that he tried to have two of them at once.