Today is the one day on the calendar where Americans should feel comfortable ordering extra food, and then topping off their meal with a Polish doughnut the size of their head. It’s Fat Tuesday!
Tomorrow, we start Lent, where all good Catholics like me will be forced to give up something to prove that we’re penitent for our sins. For me, this sacrifice is typically swearing. So this blog will be only slightly more fun, because not only will it be a sin when I swear on it, it will be a mortal sin. Which means I can go to Hell immediately for it. No passing “Go,” no collecting $200. Which makes the possibility of being hit by a city bus all that less attractive.
1. The guy who told Obama how much he sucked at a prayer breakfast is open to running for office as soon as he can retire from this pediatric neurosurgery thing he does.
2. A lot more people are drinking now, which means that people who make your alcohol are having to meet demand, and given the fact that the government keeps diverting corn crops to ethanol production, instead of making more alcohol, they’re just watering down the stuff you already buy.
3. You paid $2.2 billion to a program last year that makes sure poor people have nicer cell phones than you do.
4. The Representative from Florida would prefer that you not confuse her with the facts, sir.
5. North Korea almost succeeded in blowing themselves up last night. We responded with a sternly worded letter.
Good luck, America. The SOTU drinking game rules will be out later, and you can join me tonight, during the fiesta on Twitter.