Morning Report: Thirst for greatness at the State of the Union.

Last night, there was the State of the Union, and I got totally bored with it after ten minutes and clicked over to watch dogs being adorable at Westminster. But I did not miss CSI Miami’s newest detective, Horatio Biden, manipulate his new actually rose colored glasses with aplomb, and I did not miss Marco Rubio being adorable.

RUBIO-IS-THIRSTY

There’s not a lot to run down this morning that isn’t related to SOTU, so let’s just run that down.

1. The White House would like you to know that the debt ceiling and the sequestration cuts were both manufactured crises made up by those dastardly Republicans who just want to kill puppies and little children. Except the debt ceiling was for reals, and that whole sequestration thing was totally made up by the White House as part of the 2011 budget deal. But whatevs! REPUBLICANS.

2. The President would like to assure Americans that, despite what you’ve heard, the proposals made during the State of the Union will not cost you a single dime. Which is interesting because, and this is key, the White House has no idea what they will cost yet. So, you know, someone has some math to do.

 

3. Barack Obama is 100% convinced that the Affordable Care Act is slowing the growth of health care costs. Which is partially true, in the sense that it is actually making the process physically slower.

4. He also pressed votes on immigration, gun control, raising the Federal minimum wage for anyone who actually works for minimum wage on the Federal level, putting people to work on public projects a la 1933, and putting a carbon tax into place so that industry will move all of their operations abroad, thus making the Federal minimum wage for working on public art projects and bridge repair a reality. In other words, he’s probably going to spend a lot of your money.

5. But! He has a budget! That no one has seen! And everyone is confused about! Which means that while he keeps saying the word, “budget,” I don’t think it means what I think he thinks it means.

At any rate, just keep watching that .gif of Marco Rubio being adorable.

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  1. The Exile

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